Hi! I'm Nicole Myers Licensed Professional Counselor and were going to talk today about the subject of divorce. In my career, I speak to many people who have been affected by a divorce. In fact, most people I talk to have been affected by divorce; one way or another. We all know someone whose parents have been divorced, whose children are divorced or maybe we ourselves have been divorced.
So, the question that we're going to cover today is: How do I tell my significant other that I want a divorce? Well, you may want to ask yourself: "Does my partner know whether I'm considering divorce?" If they don't have a clue, that might be a little different discussion. You want to pick a safe place where you can have this discussion. In other words, having this discussion in your bedroom as you're getting ready for bed might not be the best choice. However, sitting down at the kitchen table, with the table in between the two of you, could be a very good place to interact because it gives you a little distance while still being able to face each. However, if you are afraid of your significant other, in that they have or could be a harm to you during this discussion, you may want to pick a safe place such. Say, meeting in a coffee shop, and talking to them. If you do not feel safe talking with your partner about a divorce, you might tell your partner in an e-mail or over the phone but you would have already set up a safe place to live with a friend or relative while going through the divorce.
Okay, so how do you want to tell your significant other that you want a divorce? If you don't think they have a clue but you know that there is a lot of problems in your marriage, you may want to make a list of the problems and tell them that the problems are insurmountable (impossible) to continuing the marriage.
You should also have an idea of; What's my goal in telling this person that I need a divorce from them? and Where do we want to be in a week, one month or one year in this journey of divorce? Once you have these questioned answered for yourself, you are going to be much more able to share with them what you need to do.
If you have children, making sure that your children have somewhere else to be that is not anywhere near you or your partner while your discussing the divorce for the first time may be appropriate. Later, your children will need to know about the upcoming divorce but they do not need to be the first people to hear about the divorce when your significant other may not be aware of your decision.
So, first and foremost, make sure that you are safe in this discussion; make sure that you have a goal when talking with your soon to be ex-partner and be ready to answer questions from your significant other. Provide answers to any questions in a manner that allows you to walk away from the interaction with your head held high and ready to move on with your life.
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